The Best In The Biz

A good friend of mine recently gave a shout out to Jessica Alba and her ass. Apparently her ass can’t be measured by my ass rating system. No arguements there. But I have found one that trumps JA’s ass…JB’s ass. The best in the biz. Comment and Enjoy.

Keepin’ It Dry (But Not Your Pants)

I don’t usually put up very many YouTube postings, but I stumbled across this clip on there and felt it was funny enough to make the site. The people on here can’t sing for shit, so if you can handle their voices, the song isn’t all that bad. Give it a play. Comment and Enjoy.

The Urinal Test

So many of you have read my post on …Yeah Maybe, and since then I have heard of a few situations involving some friends, where the urinal issue has come up. Thanks to a post from QEK, who mentioned my article in his blog, I came across this little test. I scored a 40/60…not too bad. The test still considers me a man. What will your fate be? Get the answers at the link below. Comment and Enjoy.

My Many Faces, Part 2

So I had a few comments during part 1 of My Many Faces. Now that I have a little more of a readership, lets hope I get a little more feedback this time around. Remember the scoring goes from 1 to 5, with 5 being the most. OK. Comment and Enjoy.

Have You Ever…

Ah yes, a new Have You Ever? is upon us once again. This is the third edition of Have You Ever?, and the last one saw some ok results. I will try to come up with better scenarios for everyone to comment on. If you have any suggestions for this weekly post you can contact me at my email address. (About Section).

So let us get to it. This week’s post is much better than last week’s. Eh, more relateable than last week’s post is more like it. I got the idea for this week’s post when I saw this gem of a picture on someone’s website.

Have You Ever…shit your pants? It could be in a public place or private.

Well there you have it. Comment and Enjoy.

The Dumb Files

Monday is behind us and Teusday is almost over, which means…it must be time for The Dumb Files. Last week I shared with you some dumb laws still in existence. I received some good comments on that and wanted to do it again. However, I decided against it and went with something that I call…dumb facts. Comment and Enjoy.

FACT 1: People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier errors worldwide.

FACT 2: Charlie Brown’s dad was a barber.

FACT 3: The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

FACT 4: On average, every chocolate bar contains at least three insect legs.

FACT 5: “Almost” is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

There is a reason, as you can see, why I call this The Dumb Files. Because…well…they are pretty dumb. I’ll do better next time. Till then…Comment and Enjoy.

8 Things You Should Be Able To Say

I got to thinking about men and women and what is said and not said in a relationship. Then I got to thinking what a person in a relationship should be able to say to their “partner”. I will say partner to stay away from any trouble from G.L.A.D. So here you go, the 8 things I think men and women should be able to say to one another.

MEN

1. I Love You - Eventually it will mean more than just what you say to get laid…or it should.
2. I Think We’re Lost - At some point you will run out of gas. Then you will be lost and stranded. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, man up and admit it.
3. Yes, That Dress Does Make You Look Fat - I don’t suggest you walk this line, but we should be able to.
4. I Hate This Shirt You Bought Me - Women love to dress up their man, but sometimes they just choose wrong. Let em know.
5. Just Give Me A Blow Job - It’s not degrading and your not a whore…Ladies. It’s a part of the give and take relationship.
6. Your Mother/Best-Friend Annoys Me - You know this won’t go over well, but if your reason is valid, then it should be ok.
7. Lets Cuddle Instead - Yeah, I don’t say it either, but a part of me thinks we should be able to.
8. Will You Marry Me? - Don’t be fooled by George Clooney. The eternal love of one woman is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

WOMEN

1. I Was Faking It - Not that I would want to hear it, but atleast follow it up with some helpful hints, you cold hearted bitch (kidding).
2. Size Does Matter - Damn you women and your ego hunt. You should be able to say it, but out of courtesy…follow it up with…”and your’s is perfect”. Thank you.
3. Your Mother/Best-Friend Annoys Me - I think guys are more protective of mom than women. But hey, if your reason is valid, let it out.
4. Will You Marry Me? - Again I overlapped, but shit, it is 2007.
5. Take Me Home And Fuck Me - OK,you don’t have to go word for word, but you get the idea.
6. I Have Enough Clothes - God please grant me this wish. You don’t need new clothes everytime you go out.
7. Go Out With The Guys, I’ll Watch The Kid(s) - I have been lucky here. The fiance deos let me go out whenever I want without a problem…well sometimes.
8. Your Right Hun - It’s only three little words. Is it really that hard to say?

Well that’s it. Comment and Enjoy.

Does Your Girl Have A Great Ass? Here’s How You Can Tell.

After much deliberation and time, I have constructed the perfect method to successfully and efficiently decifer between a great ass, good ass and no ass (no manual test needed here, visual observation works everytime). When it comes to physical attributes, the ass is very high on my list. And if you read my Ass or Titties post, you would know that I am a bona fide ass man. So it only seems natural that I submit to you my own personal ass test.

I call it…The Cup Method. When you finish reading this you are going to think how simplistic this method is and why haven’t I thought of this before. The good news? You don’t have to worry about it because I just did it for you. You’re Welcome. And now without any further a deux…The one step method that yields three levels.

The procedure is done in one easy step, which I will break down into three parts for your convenience. Take your dominant hand, for me it would be my right (yes in the picture I use my left), and straighten out your fingers with all five touching each other…like this . Now from here you place your hand (fingers pointing down) on your woman’s backside; at the most prominent point of the curve. Now wrap your fingers around that point and hold your hand position. Depending on the arch of the curve, you can decide with 100% accuracy the level your girl’s ass falls in to. The following are the three levels. Comment and Enjoy.

Level 1: No Ass - Move On
Level 2: Good Ass - Just Add Squats
Level 3: Great Ass - Consider Yourself Lucky

Kid Makes Dad Look Like An Ass

Let me set the scene . It was some time around the 5 o’clock hour, give or take a minute. I was tired to the point where I couldn’t fight hard enough to keep my eyes open. All I wanted was a good 20 minutes to take a nap. My fiance, God love her (and I do), wanted to work out for 20-30 minutes on the treadmill. Needless to say I lost the battle and was not suppose to take a nap. Can you guess what I did? You see, we have a 16 months old girl and one of us had to watch her, as you could imagine. So I put on Blues Clues (the new favorite) and thought she would sit down in her chair like she usually does with her sippy cup and be off in her own little world with Blue. Unfortunately that did not happen.

If your a parent, than you know already that kids take every opportunity they get to do the things they know they are not allowed to do. To make a long story short, I fell asleep (surprise, surprise) on the floor holding my daughter’s wipes box (don’t ask). Lisa, my fiance, was upstairs and hadn’t yet got on the treadmill. Suddenly I am awaken by this huge yell…..RYAN!!! I quickly staggered to my feet because the tone of Lisa’a voice told me I better get my ass up real quick. It appeared that my daughter, my sweet little girl, had pulled a fast one on dear ‘ol dad while he was resting. What she do, you ask? She took it upon herself to seize the moment to go climb the steps. She normally stays away from the stairs, but again, dad’s eyes were in the ‘resting position’. I got the look that women give their man when they do something stupid…yeah you know the one. Had my big toe in the dog house too I think. Way to go Olivia! Thanks for making daddy look like an ass. Though I know it won’t be the last time, can we not do it again for another 10 or 15 years? Thanks.

Ass or Titties?

Ass…titties…ass, titties, ass, titties, ass and titties. Ah, ass and titties. Good song, but a better topic of conversation. I do apologize to the women readers that I have for the current topic…it is a bit chauvinistic. But I will try and come up with something for you as well. If you have any suggestions, send them my way and I will make it happen.

OK, so back to the issue at hand. Ass or titties? Both are beautiful parts of a woman’s body. But which one really makes the difference to you? Now ladies, I regretfully say, men are shallow (fellas don’t argue), but not all men are shallow. However, when dealing with first impressions, physical appearance is very vital to the early stages of conversation. If there is no physical attraction, not even on a level one clearing, a man won’t approach a woman. Nor would he be very responsive if a woman approaches him. So with all that said, what catches your eye first? Which one could ultimately make or break the deal? Are you partial to the…

As for me, I am an ass man. I love the shape, contour, size and feel. Leave ‘em in the comments.

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