The Dumb Files

So I heard about this guy who put up a clip of him showing his kids how to smoke weed and I had to search it down. As few of you know, I have a daughter of my own and would never be so dumb as to video myself pushing weed. Fortunately for the police, this guy was, and had it placed on YouTube where he was later arrested. So for that, he gets the nod for this weeks The Dumb Files.

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Ugliest Break I Have Ever Seen

This video clip really needs no introduction. I found it on Preston and Steve and my stomach turned as soon as I saw it (Not for the week stomach individual).

Just a small back story though…the guy was squatting about 660lbs. His knee snaps. End of video. If your courage is high please check it out and lend your thoughts. Mine were…OOOOOHHHH SHIT!!!!!!

White Chicks & Gang Signs

You know this is something you see all the time and drives me crazy everytime. Even when white guys flash the gang signs makes me think…TOOL. If you’re a suburbanite, especially a white chick suburbanite, you do not show a gang sign. You are a loser. So for your enjoyment, a funny little song about…white chicks and gang signs.

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The “Irish” 10 List, Part 2

It is the day before everyone’s favorite holiday, St. Patty’s Day. The bars are setting up for a long night of drunken debauchery. The people (patrons of bars) are preparing pre-game activities and early morning hangover remedies. So to them (bars and patrons) I give you part 2 of The “Irish” 10 List. These are drinks/shots I recommend to everyone who wants to make the night memorable, forgettable or just black out. Whatever your goals for the night, these will surely get you there.

10. Irish Coffee:coffee, Irish whiskey, brown sugar, whipped cream
9. Morning with the Leprechauns: Bailey’s Irish Cream, Irish whiskey, Cherry brandy, cold coffee, Crushed ice
8. Celtic Mix Cocktail:Scotch, Irish whiskey, lemon juice, Bitters
7. Irish Eyes: Kilbeggan Irish whiskey, green creme de menthe, heavy cream
6. Irish Prince: Jameson Irish Whiskey, tonic water
5. Nutty Irishman Shooter: Carolans Irish Cream, Hazelnut Liqueur
4. Dublin Handshake: Baileys Irish cream, Irish whiskey, Sloe gin
3. Irish Flag: Creme de Menthe, Grand Marnier, Irish Cream
2. Everybody’s Irish: Irish whiskey, green Crème de menthe, green Chartreuse
1. Irish Car Bomb: Guinness, Jamison, Bailey’s Irish cream

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The “Irish” 10 List, Part 1

With St. Patty’s Day fast approaching, I wanted to do a little something about being Irish in a two part post. The first will be my 10 favorite quotes about the Irish. I know they say everyone is Irish on St. Patty’s Day, which they really aren’t,but I am actually Irish so I will celebrate as such. Anyway on to the list. Here is part 1 of The “Irish” 10 List.

10. “The Irish don’t know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.”
9. “The Irish ignore anything they can’t drink or punch.”
8. “The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven’t seen the joke yet.”
7. “God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish”
6. “Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat”
5. “The Irish are a fair people- they never speak well of one another”
4. “If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.”
3. “Short-term amnesia is not the worst affliction if you have an Irish flair for the sauce.”
2. “If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, then you’re lucky enough.”
1. “Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish.”

There you have it. My top 10 quotes about the Irish. Have something to say about the Irish? Say it, but you better have a little in you.

Sex Ed. For Minors, Part 1

This will be a section that is more informative than humorous. Although I will throw in my own sarcastic ideas and advice from time to time for all of the kids out there. So for them, it might actually be good. For the rest of us, it will be more on the funny side. If you don’t think its funny I don’t really care. This is experimental material so give feedback if you want more or want to submit your own advice concerning this particular area of growing up.

Self Examination

All men should do the quick ‘feeling test’ regularly, maybe weekly, after having a shower or bath. The best way, or most commonly suggested way to go about this is having a relaxing, warm bath or shower to make you more relaxed and the skin softer. Examine yourself when you are standing up and preferably where you can see yourself in a mirror. Look first to see if one testicle is hanging differently from usual. Use both hands and feel each testicle to see if they are the same size.
To check for lumps, use your thumb and index finger. If you are unsure about anything, go see your doctor.

[Note: Ladies notice the picture…when performing, cup the balls.

Have You Ever

I am going to be short and sweet with this one.

Here we go…

Have You Ever…been punched in the face?

Now I guess I can include punching someone else in the face as well. The two go hand in hand I think. I have actually done both, on a couple of occassions. But the most memorable punch in the face that someone did to me was when I was still in Arizona. My buddies from home (Jon/Mike) came out to visit and we took a very memorable road trip back to PA (oh, a Have You Ever topic?). Anyway, one of my soon to be roommates, Sean, was drunk and leaned over and just drilled me in the jaw. It was pretty fucked up and my jaw was sore the next day. However, I told him I owed him one and took full advantage of it the next semester. We were at a party and in the middle of the crowd, I jacked him back in front of everyone. No fight followed (to the disappointment of other guests) because he deserved it, and it will be a punch I will never forget, nor will he. Good times.

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The Dumb Files

OK, I have about 10 minutes before my next client so I am going to try and get this in and out onto the web as fast as I can because the rest of the day is hell, and like I said, my computer took a shit on me, so I can’t do anything tonight.

With the new week, comes a new The Dumb Files. I am going to take an approach that not everyone will be able to relate to, but I think you’ll still be able to comment and share your own thoughts. Here goes it. The Dumb Files goes prego.

6. Tierrainney
5. Abeus (acronym for abuse…and he will be abused)
4. Wren (Poor little girl got named after a cartoon character)
3. Cherith
2. Sharmonica
1. Dusk (No joke, a woman actually wanted to name her daughter Dusk because she already had a Dawn)

So there it is. If you have heard of names that are just as bad, please share them so no one else makes these mistakes.

Note:Lisa DO NOT add Ainsley to the list. It is not a dumb name!

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No Subject

I have been apologizing to my many, many readers a lot over the last couple of weeks about my ability to get up new material. Well unfortunately, I am going to apologize again. My computer at home took a huge dump on me and won’t even boot up. ANYONE KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO FIX IT? Since I have no access to my computer, I am going to rely on down time that I get while at work. It’s not a lot of time, but I am going to try and make it work so I can atleast keep some of the weekly entries going. I appreciate the patience, and I hope to figure out what the hell is wrong with my computer soon. Although I think I will have to break down and take it to the Geek Squad. If any of my friends want to look at it first…eh um…Dan…when they have a free moment, that would be f’ing great. Keep checking back for the latest. Thanks, Ryan

Grand Canyon Skywalk

This to me seemed like a pretty far fetched idea when I originally heard about it back in April 2005. I was still attending Ariz. State Univ. at the time and most, if not all Arizonians (including myself),did not believe someone would actually put a Skywalk off the edge of the Grand Canyon. Well, apparently they were not kidding. To your right, you can see a picture to prove it. At first glance it doesn’t even look real, photoshopped, but it is real. I have been to the Grand Canyon once before and haven’t had a reason, or urge to ever go back. But now, forget the donkey rides down to the bottom, I want to walk off the edge onto the new Skywalk. Hell Yes!!!

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