Hot List: Disney Princesses

A quick back story about the birth of this post. I have a 2 years old daughter who is absolutely in love with Disney princesses. She watches these movies 4-5 times a day it seems. And sometimes more. So I see a lot of Disney princesses throughout the day. And I realized that they need to treated like any other little whore that goes up on my website.

I mean honestly, these chicks give it up way too fast. The whole thing really sends a bad message to little girls everywhere. For example, Ariel runs away from home at 16 to be with a 20 something Prince. Just the kind of message I want to send my little girl. “It’s ok Liv, just because you’re 16 and think you love this boy, you can run off, get married, and never see me again. It’s your life, do whatever you want.” That is a conversation you will never see me have. Fucking Disney ruining my life.

But one thing is clear. The artists know how to draw one hot piece of cartoon ass.

10. Minnie Mouse

I know, I know. Not exactly a “princess”. However, she is the first Disney female to grace the pages and the screen. Plus, for those of you on that beastiality kick, I am sure she does the trick. Lets see you argue that.

Editor’s Note: Daisey Duck comes in at 10a. I believe she is a little more skanky than Minnie, but Minnie still gets the edge in my book. I think its those eyes.

9. Tinkerbell

Another non princess, like Minnie. But Disney doesn’t have 10 “official” princesses in their vault. Besides, Tink is fucking hot. You can put her in your pocket, she can give you the ability to fly and she is obediant. Plus, she is fucking hot, that slut. But the fact she isn’t a true princess, she lands at number 9…number 9…number 9…

8. Pocahontas

I would like to give her a little more credit, but I can’t. The daughter of Chief Powhatan, who falls in love with an Englishman, John Smith. An Englishman?! C’mon, she could do better than that, which is why she gets slated at number 8.

Editor’s Note: Kudos for being in the first interracial relationship in a Disney production.

7. Cinderella

It’s starting to get a bit tougher now, believe it or not. My arguement for Cinderella being number 7, is she couldn’t become princess on her own. She got a lot of help from that fairy Godmother of hers. If you can’t get something done on your own, you don’t deserve to be in the my top 5.

Editor’s Note: I accept any backlash I may receive for Cinderella being ranked so low.

6. Aurora

Sleeping Beauty. That’s right, Sleeping Beauty’s name is Aurora. Sounds black to me. But that is because I knew a black girl named Aurora in high school, she was fucking cool. Anyway, since she is the forgotten one, and looks devilish and unappreciative of being awoken from her slumber, I hate unappreciative bitches, she is left looking in on the top 5.

Editor’s Note: see previous note.

5. Mulan

I may be going back a little on the whole ranking non princess low on my list. It is true, Mulan is not a princess, rather a war hero. But I have a thing for Asians. She gets in at number 5.

4. Snow White

Any woman who can overcome the jealous wrath of a mean old Queen deserves a good ranking in my book. Besides, she hangs out with a bunch a Dwarfs, no competition there. And I kind a like the whole dark hair, fair skin thing she has going on. She has such flawless skin.

3. Jasmine

The hottest Middle East woman you will ever see. I don’t care if she is a cartoon character. Prove me wrong! And if she didn’t kiss Jafar, she might have made it to number 2.

2. Ariel

I really, really wanted to make her number 1 on my list, but I couldn’t. She is just too young, and frankly, too dumb to be number 1. She calls forks digitidoos and watchamacallits for Christ’s sake. But you don’t often find a red head with all the makings. Great body, voice, face. And those big baby blues. All red heads should look like Ariel. But she couldn’t surpass my favorite of them all. She gets number 2 or 1a if you will.

1. Belle

I’m a sucker for brown hair. But Belle has it all. Intelligent, family oriented, and loves you for what’s on the inside and not the outside. Seriously, she fell in love with a fucking beast. Now that is some serious sex appeal. That, and she is just perfect.

Argue my rankings if you want, but if you think about it…I’m right. Leave em in the comments.

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Written by Ryan · Filed Under Sex, General, The Tops List