Party Like A Rock Star

I dropped by my buddies website today and read a post exactly like the one I am about to put up here. Do I feel ashamed that I am doing this? No, because if I win, his fucking ass is going to Vegas anyway. That’s right, Vegas. I have been there before, but never had the enjoyment of spending those moments completely hammered in the strip club with my posse. Nope, never. Instead, I had the chance to spend those lovely days with my fiance. We had a great time, don’t get me wrong. And would do it again in a heartbeat. But, I’ve had a taste and now I want it all. Shoemoney can make it happen.

My competitors so far? OnLineBibleTalk, BpBc, UberAffiliate, JaanKanellis, AimsGraz. Do these sites scare me? Fuck no they don’t scare me! They can keep their professional page designs, special guest writers, and advertisements. I am the real deal. I have a site strictly for the entertainment of anyone who stumbles upon my work. The end. But before I tell you why these other sites are unworthy, I suppose I should tell you why I am.

I noticed each of them added pictures proving their “ability” to party like a rock star. This I cannot do, because incriminating pictures of me from my single days would probably infuriate my fiance. Sorry, a trip to Vegas is not worth a lifetime of shit she would give me. However, I can assure you, I AM THE FUCKING MAN! The last time I partied I pissed all over my finace’s clothes, which were conveniently folded and put away in her dresser. Does that stop me? Nope. I soaked every article of clothing in that drawer, and the one below it too. I’m pretty sure I pulled a rock star style move.

OK - I can’t resist. This is what happens to people who try and hang and party like I party. (I am not in the photo, rather the one taking it.) Congatulations sir, that ass hat looks good you. But seriously, to rub elbows with people who had a hand in starting it all could only help me make this website more visually pleasing to the people who read my nonsense. And that is why I do this, to make your shitty day, less shitty. And what would I do with the money? Blow it. Every bit of it. I may buy $500 worth of room service, shit on it and put it back in the hallway. Why? Because I do what I want. That’s why I am a fuckin baller.

I will now strategically and inarguably, destroy the reasons why my competitors think they deserve such an honor.

OnLineBibleTalk- What does Vegas have that this guy needs? NOTHING! The only things Bible Pushers need are thin wafers, the blood of Christ, and a little boy. Vegas has none of those. Besides, isn’t it against his religion to drink to oblivion for an entire weekend? There are better ways into Hell than that - I assure you. Plus, he acst like he’s fucking friends with Shoemoney. Does he think that by jerking off their ego he has a better shot? My guess - they won’t settle for anything less than a blowjob.

BpBc- Now here is a problem. Do I bash the shit out of a friend of mine just to beat him out for a trip to Vegas? Well, I am an asshole, but no I wouldn’t do that. Especially when he has helped me build, maintain, and run this site until I finally got the hang of it. But, if he doesn’t take me to Vegas if he wins, check back, because I will be giving him a fat lip via this website.

UberAffiliate- Did this guy even give a reason why he should win? His picture sure doesn’t make his case. Who the fuck parties with ugly chicks anyway? And for a bonus - he tans, wears all black (probably silk), and unbuttons his top two buttons. His new domain name should be UberTool. Ya fuckin douche.

JaanKanellis- I completely thought this dude was a fuckin chick. Until he pointed out in the end that he is, in fact, a man. Metrosexual?

AimGraz-
1. He referred to himself as a wingman. A wingman is not a rock star.
2. He then proceeded to compare himself to Maverick, Goose, Iceman and Jester. Think Charlie, you bitch.
3. He goes by initials as a first name.
4. He uses words like mofo and the bomb
5. He’s an Aussie (I needed a fifth)

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