The Dumb Files

I have been real slow on The Dumb Files this week, so I am going to go back to the The Dumb Files roots with new episodes of dumb criminals. Prepare yourself for the worst, because these guys really are some dumb fucks.

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window…the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.

When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri. When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver because “you can’t ticket a guy for being stupid…” (no, but you should be able to)

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper. (seriously…in Kentucky)

This is my favorite one of all…and Chris Hansen is there to clean up the mess. I guess dumb people really don’t learn.